Summer Update

Well, I have to apologize for not really following up on my last post made in May. Many things have been going on in my life that took my attention from updating anyone reading. I will surely try to be better for the remainder of the summer.

I would, however, like to bring you up to speed on what has happened so far. Christy got a job working as the social worker at the Longview Cancer Center. She loves the position and the hours are perfect and she is finally getting paid to do something she went to school for. In June, we packed our bags and boarded a plane with the Richardson clan to Orlando, FL for 4 days at Disney World and 1 Day at Universal Studios. We had a fantastic time but I can say with alot of confidence that this magical place is more magical when your magical children are above the magical age of 5. Your experience will be more....what's the word? MAGICAL! In early July, we pointed the mini-van south for our annual 4th of July trip to Port Aransas, TX for some time in the sun and on the beach. The weather was fantastic and the water was as good as I have ever seen it. We did discover that Elisa and Noah love the beach and could play in the water all day but Ava and Micah merely tolerated the experience. I think Ava did not appreciate all the variables that were happening there. There were big waves, a couple of stingrays, and hot sand. So, our summer has been pretty fantastic so far. We are really grateful for all the fun we have had.

As for the rest of the summer, we have birthdays (Mine and Micah), wedding showers and bachelorette parties* (Christy's friend Lauren), a weekly class at church on Wednesday nights, a close friend of ours moving to China, and many other crazy shenanigans in between. I am hoping to be more aware of all of the entertaining blog-worthy fodder that I could share with you.

Some Thoughts on Marriage

Christy and I have been married for almost eight years now. It is difficult to believe that it has been that long. There are times where it feels like we have been together just a few months and we barely know each other. These are the instances that make you ask your partner, "What the hell is wrong with you?!?" Although, I have found that your marraige will last longer if you learn to ask this silently in your head. In the heat of an argument, though, it is difficult to keep ones mouth shut. Another difficulty is to not become such a passive aggressive monster. That's right everyone. I wrote the book, teach the class, whatever you want to call it on passive aggressiveness. I mean, why would you be direct and sincere when you could have the fun of bottling up all of your frustrations and only letting them seep out slowly in the form of underhanded comments and banging dishes a little too loudly when cleaning up after dinner? C'mon, which sounds like more fun to you? I think our dishes have suffered more abuse in our relationship than anything else. What did they ever do to deserve to be used as pawns in my little head game I am trying to play with my wife? There is one thing wrong with my use of this tactic. I am married to the absolutely wrong person if this is how I should communicate my frustrations. For those of you who know Christy you know that she is a very direct person who tells it like it is. This is perhaps my favorite aspect of her personality. It does, however, make her defenses stronger against the more sophisticated passive aggressive techniques like, cleaning the entire house in one night, by yourself or the dreaded silent treatment. I know, how could anyone ever last against such terrible things?

I have to go but I will finish these thoughts later...

Sigh No More

Easter has come and gone and it seems like years since my last blog post. I am happy to report that all is well in the Collins household. Christy was hired by the cancer center in town and it is an excellent job for her with great hours and pay. She has been at it for three weeks now and she finds it rewarding and challenging. Bless God for that! The girls are now at Trinity all day and have transitioned very nicely. Noah and Micah are going to Wilcox daycare and we know that they are cared for and loved well by our good friends, David and Tricia. It is a hectic life but there isn't much to complain about.

There have been some interesting developments at my work. I was approached by my boss about a month ago about becoming a full-time field employee. At the moment I spend two days a week doing field work near Frierson, Louisiana and three days a week at the office in Kilgore. This change would mean all week in the field, but only around Longview and Kilgore. There are parts about being in the field which are enjoyable but the hours are more sporadic. I could be home at 5 or I could be home at 8. This is not the best scenario with someone who has such a demanding home life. The upside, however, is valuable field experience which is needed for upward mobility in the company. Working in the field also provides better job security. The main fear that I have is that I could be stuck doing this work for an extended period of time and I would be giving up my job functions which give me a competitive edge over other employees in my district. I have told him that I am interested mainly because of security and career path but I still have no peace with the other concerns mentioned. I am going to have to continue to pray about it and look for some resolution.

I also wanted to say something about a band that I have recently discovered thanks to my wonderful wife, the hotmessmomma. Mumford & Sons are an English folk band that have a really cool, gritty sound. The singers voice is always full of emotion and their songs are written very well. Here is a video with a brilliant example.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujv3c0TqLRk

I find listening to their music a religious experience. It becomes a thin place...

-JB

Lent, Trust, and the Masters!

Hello good friends! I am glad to finally be returning to the blogosphere to be sharing the details of my life with all of you. I am sure that you all are very glad to be reading about the details of my life. I would like to start out by saying how glad I am that we are already in the season of Lent. Since I have not been in a church tradition that celebrates this season, I am still learning about its importance and role in my faith. For my friends who are not familiar, this is a time of 40 Days (not counting Sundays) before Easter that we remember our sins and spend time focusing on the enormity of Christ's work on the cross on our behalf. What is that you say? "Why don't you focus on that all year round, Nathan?" Well, concerned citizen, Easter is one of the two most important festivals of the Christian year and my belief is that it takes time to enter into its mystery. I cannot image just waking up one spring Sunday morning and saying, "Oh yeah, its Easter! Happy Easter everybody!!!" That is why we "put away" our allelujahs during this time and why we choose not to let life in its entirety distract us from focusing on our need for God.

So now I am going to let you all know that Christy and I are learning some very serious lessons about Trust. Our situation is that Christy very much needs a full time job. She interviewed for what seems like a perfect position a few weeks ago, but as time marches on, our hope for that opportunity dwindles. We hope to have an answer by the end of this week but regardless, we are still looking. Does God know our situation? Yes. Does he want what is best for us in the long run? Yes. Then why is it so hard to turn this over to him and accept His peace about the situation? Why do I constantly remind Him about what He should be doing instead of watching and waiting for His direction? The real question is, "Do I really believe that God is good?" If I did, the trust would come easier, I think.

Lastly, some fun news. I am going to the Masters next month! Woohoo! For those of you who do not know, this is basically the Super Bowl of golf. This is the prestigeous tournament that is almost impossible to get tickets to. I send a huge thanks to my buddy Jimmy for hooking me up. He has also been before so I will have some expertise on my side as to how to enjoy it best. Hopefully I will return with some amazing stories about how I got to meet Phil Mickelson or some other golf legend.

That's all for now.

-JB

New Year's Post

I just wanted to get back into posting by wishing everybody a Happy New Year. I know what you are thinking, and no I did not make a new year's resolution to be a better blogger. I just thought it was time to get back into the swing of things with a couple of observations.

First observation is that children are routine-oriented. The parents who read this are like, "Yeah! Duh! Tell me something I don't already know." Any time you take a child out of his or her element, you are totally throwing them a curve ball. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law (13 and 16, respectively) really did not grasp this concept. They were continually confused as to why the kids were all acting so crazy. I don't blame them for not knowing, but I hope that they do remember it for when they have children. The holidays are the holidays and everybody is a a little out of sorts but it is stressful for them to not really know what is going to happen next. As a child your decisions are few and small. They have no control over their lives and the little that they have is based in their abilitiy to at least know what to expect.

Second observation is that I am routine-oriented. We went to Houston for the weekend (Thursday night through Sunday) and I also had the day off on Monday. Even though we were home and all was well, I still found myself very cranky and snapping at the kids and Christy. I was a really crappy person to be around all day. We even got to see the new Disney movie, "Tangled", which was pretty great. God bless my family for putting up with me.

I hope everyone else's New Year's celebrations went well and I hope to be blogging again soon.

Excellent Illustration

One of my favorite blogs I read on a regular basis is one by Steve McVey. He is a bible teacher and author with a fantastic perspective about what living a grace-filled life can look like. His most recent post has a really neat illustration about the many "flavors" of followers we can find in the church. Enjoy!

http://gracewalkministries.blogspot.com/2010/08/what-flavor-is-gods-church.html

Feeling like a Father

I am sitting here in the hospital while my wife and newborn son are snoozing away and recovering physically from his birth just four days ago. That is hard to believe. Just four days ago, I was sitting in my office thinking of how brilliant my plan to bring my fourth child into the world was. Just four days ago, I was contemplating how I could make Micah assimilate as quickly as possible to the Collins family life. Four days ago, I was thinking about....well, me. My experience in parenthood (or at least the stages that I have seen so far) has been quite the eye opening lesson. With the birth of each of my children, I have a series of mini-panic attacks that plague me with worry, frustration, and exhaustion. What's most interesting to me is that this has happened with all four children. Even though I have sat in this very same position thinking these very same things, I still toss and turn at night (it doesn't help that the beds for Fathers in hospital rooms are designed for punishment) doubting my ability to care for the life that sleeps peacefully just a few feet from me. It has always subsided. Always. But if I were to cotinue having children, this feeling would never change. It would always be waiting for me in the back pocket of all of the incredible joy and relief that comes with the birth of a child.

This little boy sleeping next to me has no idea who he is. He has no idea who I or Christy is. He doesn't even know where he is. He was not given the choice to be born into our family. The Lord just simply made sure that he has made it safely thus far. Micah's brain is working overtime trying to grow enough to understand a little more than he did the day before. He has no idea that he is going to need proper food, shelter, clothing, and education to survive in the world. His mother and I are there to provide that for him. But what happens when I doubt my ability to empty more of myself into his life? How in the world can I raise four children to be caring, content adults who lead rewarding and satisfying lives?

God's blessings stretch me out. They pull me to a place that is not comfortable but still rewarding. Yes, children are a blessing. My children are a blessing to me. But a blessing from the Lord is not always something that makes your life easy. It's not always something that looks like happiness on a clear day. His best blessings are the ones that pull us almost to our breaking point. They are the ones the blind us to what is familiar but show us something we have never seen before.