In the interest of getting my blog up off the floor, I need to realize that this task is akin to trying to wake a hungover frat boy after an all night party at Fill-in-the-blank State University. Since I was not much of a drinker in college (you can come to that conclusion when I tell you that I actually finished in four years) I am not so sure how to get this done. One would think that all it would take is some cold water to the face or violent shaking but I’m not so sure that would finish the job. How about a nice, hot steamy cup of honesty and transparency? Yeah, that’s the ticket! I could actually be real about life so people might find some encouragement. “Ooooooh!” you might say, “He is actually talking like a real grown-up. So….. I’ll just exit out of this window and go back to nosily checking the facebook status of that hot chick I sat behind in eighth grade history class…Yeah, I could totally beat the crap out of that loser she married.” But I know there is some voice in your head saying, “Wait! This could be helpful!” I don’t know about you but my little voice sounds like Sean Connery or Chuck Norris. Listen to Sean, Chuck, or even if it’s Spencer Pratt (God help you)
My wife is pissed. Yes, I know that it is hard to believe that someone would actually be unhappy with me but this is supposed to be honest, right? If you asked me why, I would have to say because…..well…..let’s not get bogged down in the details. (Isn’t that what guys say when they do not know really know why their significant others are unhappy with them?) Looking back, it probably has something to do with me not telling her blah blah blah blah. Okay, that last sentence was to see if you were actually paying attention, which I know you weren’t. This is because all guys go into some weird catatonic state when they attempt to read about relationships. SPORTSCENTER! “What the hell was that?” you might ask. That was just a new technique that people should use when talking to men about this stuff. For me, there are several words that my brain automatically recognizes as a free ticket to la-la land. These words include relationships, communication, feelings, openness, sharing, understanding, etc. So, the best way to keep my attention when discussing such things is to yell something that grabs my attention, ICE ROAD TRUCKERS! See, it worked didn’t it? Anyway, I must finish this stream of consciousness!
This issue that brought my lovely bride to this state was actually talking and listening to her. Those that know me well would tell you that I am not always paying very close attention to what is going on around me. In fact some would even go so far as to call me oblivious. I prefer to use the phrase ‘higher focus’. Here is what a conversation with me would go like.
Lovely Wife: “So, I am going to be at the library with the kids when you get home from work today.”
Higher Focus Man: “Uh Huh.”
Lovely Wife: “I am really not feeling well today. I have a really bad headache and I have so many errands to run tonight”
Higher Focus Man: “That’s just too bad honey, hey, do you remember if I set the Cowboys game to record this weekend?”
Slightly Miffed Wife: (Getting irritated with my lack of knight-in-shining-armorness) I honestly do not remember honey.
Higher Focus Man: “It’s cool, I’ll just check it tonight. Hey, how are you feeling? I remember you saying last night you weren’t feeling great…” (I am actually very proud of myself at this point for being so thoughtful of her feelings and needs)
Irritated Wife: (Conceiving all the ways she could kill me in my sleep) Not great…
Higher Focus Man: “Where are we going this weekend, again?” (She has actually told this to me three or four times in the last couple of days. There is a 9.7% chance that I will actually remember after she answers me)
“Losing Hope” Wife: (With irritated tone) We are going to Cleburne, honey. Remember, I’ve told you this.
Higher Focus Man: (Responding to the irritated tone with my own raised voice) Why are you so irritated? Are you mad at me? Please tell me what is wrong…
I am pretty sure that the reader will be able to guess where the conversation goes next. If not, then I don’t think you are able to be helped. Just give up. Seriously.
I never realized how terrible my communication skills were until I got married. I think the first mistake that I (and other men) make is the assumption that communication is all about how you talk and what you say. In marriage, that just is not true. For me, communication issues come from lack of listening. When my wife is talking, there are two things she is trying to tell me; the first is the actual subject she is trying to get across and the other is what she feels about the information. Me identifying how she feels and relating to that is just as important as understanding the subject matter.
Wow, I hope that someone else got something from that because I certainly did! I’m not really sure what else I’m going to put in this blog. I might post funny or interesting stories or hilarious pictures of the funny faces my kids unintentionally make. I pretty much think it’s really great to be a dad so I will probably talk about that some. There also might be some great cash prizes and secrets to making millions all while working at home just 2 hours a day!!! We will just have to see where it takes us.
